Some Poem's
Alone in a World full of people

The words we say always seem to get in the way 
of there ever being anything more 
than there is today. 
Hurt one another, We do this so well. 
We have lived our lives so alone in the past 
that now that we have a chance for real happiness, 
all we know how to do is protect 
no one but ourselves.
Where will this leave us at the end of the road,
without one another and really alone?
Happy, will we be? I think not. 
Without each other, alone we will trot. 
A reflecting time we may need to take,
apart from one another on this day,
for all we are, isn't even close 
to all we need to be, to be all we can be. 
You say you hear the words I say. 
Do you ever really hear the words I don't say. 
Words from my heart,
that narr a breath has brushed.
The whispered words narr an ear will hear.
If not, then now is the time to listen
their saying,
good-bye my dear.

By: Tonya L Chatelain

      I Do

To say never is too hard,
for sometimes yes I do,
feel very loved by you.

To say I'm hurt,
this is true for I'm very
hurt by you.

To say sorry 
for all I put you through,
is what I need to do.

To hear sorry from you
would have done my heart good,
it's what I needed from you.

Try as we might not too,
we only seem to hurt each other. 
It's all we seem to do.

Even still my feelings are there,
from the dawning of time,
until time is no more. Good-bye my love.    

By: Tonya L Chatelain  

For You

Could you ever put 
the anger aside just to listen
with your heart, 
not just your ears? 
Could I ever do the same? 
If not, then this is our answer
of being together.

A rita or rhyme it's not,
nor a game to speak. 
Love doesn't win in the end most times. 
Please don't wait to see, 
for then it's too late.

I'm here, this is true, just waiting for you.
I don't ask much, for all I want is you. 
I'm happy with your Life,
 I'm happy with you. 
Take the time, 
now and again, to notice me too.

My heart is so full 
with much more to say, 
but I fear your heart 
is closed off to my way.
So to myself I will keep, 
until your ready to know. 

Many a people will come and go,
but my love isn't for rent 
or even for sale,
for that love is reserved 
only for you.    

By: Tonya L Chatelain

What I really mean

To me love is not sex.
Anyone or anything can have sex.
To me Love is everyday,
day to day to day, making it work. 

I used to think I could not have sex 
unless I was in LOVE. 
Now I know, I cannot have a relationship
without being in LOVE. 

I'm tired of saying sorry, 
when I really mean 
how could you hurt me like that? 
How dare you to take me for granted. 

I'm tired of saying it's my fault 
when it really isn't. 
I'm tired of saying I understand, 
when I don't understand at all. 

I'm tired of saying yes, 
when I really mean no. 
And I'm tired of say hello, 
when I really mean good-bye.    

By: Tonya L Chatelain


To hold you in my arms
is but a wish and a dream.
For it will be no more, 
so it seems.

Too late for us, this is true.
To live and learn 
is all we now can do.

For all my heart feels,
is emptiness 
without you.

To hold you again
would be a dream come true.
A dream it seems 
that will be no more.

This is my thought.
These are my feelings
this is how I feel about you.

By: Tonya L Chatelain

Author Kelly A. Zarembski, 
Visions of Sarah, & Embers in the Sky 
Author Kira Chase,

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Erotic Lesbian Novels
Novels by Tonya L. Chatelain
March 31, 2005 


I am writing this letter too late.  I thought I would have some time to think over exactly what I wanted to say to you so that it would make sense. But, come to think of it, nothing about this situation makes any sense at all to me.

There is so much I want to say to you but first I must ask for your forgiveness. You see, a few days ago I made an uneducated, ignorant assumption. I voiced my opinion without knowing all of the circumstances. When I heard that you were being kept alive through artificial means I assumed that meant that you were on a respirator.  Thinking that, I couldn’t understand why taking the feeding tube out of you was so bad. I didn’t realize that you were breathing on your own. I guess that doesn’t make the situation any better but I feel that sometimes people who are on respirators would be better off if they were let to die. I am not saying that this is any better of an assumption than the other but that is how I feel. What I am saying is that at one time I felt that you should be let to die. 

Terri, I don’t know what your situation was that caused your illness (bulimia) and it doesn’t matter.  I also do not know how you felt about the right to die, I do know what Michael says you thought but I do not believe him. I cannot for one minute believe that you wanted to starve to death.

My dad had been sick for a long time, as a matter of fact, almost all of my life. He had several strokes, each one leaving him a little bit weaker and sicker. He was a strong man however and he fought off death several times. He was a great thinker, was constantly working Rubiks cubes and crosswords and any other puzzle you put before him. He always believed a strong mind was the sign of a strong man and he was right.  He loved to eat and he would make up concoctions out of leftovers all of the time. His favorite thing though was crackers. He had his crackers every night before bed.

A few weeks before he passed away my dad had a heart attack and another small stroke. He was able to breathe on his own but, like you, his ability to chew and swallow was not enough to sustain him so the doctors told us they would have to put a feeding tube into his stomach so he could receive nourishment. 

He became a little stronger so they told us we could take him home but the feeding tube had to stay in. They showed my stepmother and my sisters and I how to feed him and take care of the tube. It was one of the hardest things we ever had to do. He would ask for his crackers every night and every night we had to say no to our father.

Our dad had been through so much pain and agony and his strength was our strength. We all had signed a Do Not Resuscitate notice for our dad so that when that dreaded time came he could go in peace, for we knew that when his God felt it was time he would take him home. Not once did we ever even think about having the feeding tube removed.

You have been in my thoughts for so long now and I owe you so much, so just for you, on Friday, April 1, 2005, I will go on a fast for 24 hours in your honor. It is the only way I have to show you how much your life has meant to me and to show you just how sorry I am for saying the things I said.

Thank you for your strength and courage.

In my heart always,
Terri Schiavo
December 3, 1963 - March 31, 2005
Letter to Terri 

A special letter at the bottom to
Terri Schiavo
December 3, 1963 - March 31, 2005

I catch my breath

You walk into the room
I catch my breath
The way you smile at me
I catch my breath
You look deep into my eyes
I catch my breath
Unspoken words you don't say
I catch my breath
The happiness I feel with you
I catch my breath 
The perfect days we have
I catch my breath
The way you include me
I catch my breath
Sharing your time with me
I catch my breath
The brush of your lips on mine
I catch my breath
Your arms pulling me close
I catch my breath
The sweet love we make
I catch my breath

By: Tonya L Chatelain


A Long time in coming
Finding the you for me
A piece to fit into my piece
Now my whole puzzle 
Is complete

I never knew I was lonely
Never knew I wasn't as happy as could be
I never knew I was missing you
Never knew it 
Until the first day you kissed me

How do you describe this high
This wonderfully 
Deliriously happy feeling
How does one put into words
How great I feel when I'm with you

I'd give anything for a moment of your time
I'd give anything to have you all mine
I'd give anything for you 
To want me as much
I'd give anything for your touch

There is much more to this poem
It so far from finished
I'll save it for another day
When our story together is complete

By: Tonya L Chatelain

I Hope 

I hope my words are not 
The same Ol' song 
You've heard before.
Believe it or not 
I am very different than the lot.

I trust what you say 
To take me along my way.
I feel you're different 
Than all the rest that are so fickle. 
I want your arms and all their charms 
To hold me close.

Breathe my name 
As your lips brush past my ear
Whisper to me things about you
 That I may need to hear.
Pull me close and tell me 
The things you truly feel.

Embrace the possibility 
That together we bring. 
Let me feel you, taste you 
And breathe you in 
And know we two 
Will always stay the same.

Promise me together
We will be in for the long fight.
Is it too early to want to experience 
Life's fates with you?
It's true all I now do is think about you. 

By: Tonya L. Chatelain

Love me forever

Three little words that seem so simple

Love me forever
Seems easy enough to do

Love me forever
Is all I'm asking from you

Love me forever
Never saying we're through

Love me forever
and let me love you

By: Tonya L Chatelain

My Heart

You've cast a spell over me
I'm very lucky that you have
My heart is yours to have and hold
Keep it if you truly wish

I don't spend one minute a day
Not thinking about you babe
My heart is yours to have and hold
Keep it safe and love it so

Each morning I have a reason
 To wake up with a smile
My heart is yours to have and hold keep it near you so bold

The mere mention of your name
Makes my heart race  
My heart is yours to have and hold
Keep it as long as you dare

Love me until all of our
Tomorrows fade away
My heart is yours to have and hold
Keep it with you until times no more

By: Tonya L Chatelain


When the love is different
how do you let it go?

When the love is different
how do you become friends?

When the love is different
how do you move on?

When the love is different
how do you say so?

When the love is different
how does goodbye feel?

By: Tonya L Chatelain


Is just a simple word
that says it all...
is just a simple word
that makes the call...
Is just a simple word
that tells so much...
Is just a simple word
That speaks to us
Is just a simple word
That is final

By: Tonya L. Chatelain

Oh No

You said it's over
You said we're through
You said goodbye
Then you said boohoo

Why did you do it
What a waste it was
Did you forget the promises
Of our forever after love

It's all over now
It's as it should be I guess
Life ever after with us
Is now just a distant memory

By: Tonya L. Chatelain


Sometimes I feel adrift
in this huge sea of life
never knowing at all
if what I'm doing will come out right

I take each day I'm given
as if it could be my last
embracing each and every moment
making them my plith

Will the winds blow me all around
this way or that
what course will they plot for me
as it takes me all about

Everyone I've known before
holds dear special spots
everyone I've loved before
has been loved a whole hell of a lot

Today my life is very happy
and fulfilled beyond belief
as far as tomorrow goes
let's hope the course repeats

I've cast out my net on life
to see what I might seek
I'm so hoping that this time
she's going to be a forever keep

By: Tonya L Chatelain

My Rhyme

Come meet me
you say so matter-a-fact
you need to come see me
so we can get us back

What purposes would it serve
I ask myself out loud
what good would ensue
to just go running about

It truly is over 
in this I can't doubt
It truly is over
now I'm so totally out

I'll say good bye to you 
just one more time
I'll say goodbye to you
but now only in my rhyme

By: Tonya L. Chatelain


When I first met you
My life did begin
When I first met you
My heart did swim

When I first looked at you
My eyes did glow
When I first looked at you
My heart did grow

When I first kissed you
My lips did part
When I first kissed you
My tongue did dart

When I first saw you
I knew you came from above
When I first saw you
I knew I was in love

By: Tonya L. Chatelain
July, 2008
No Doubts

When it was new
it really was sweet
When it was good
it really was a treat
When it was bad 
it really was nasty
when it was over
it really was done

By: Tonya L. Chatelain

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  Soul mates

What does this word soul-mate really mean?
Does it mean forever-after?
Does it mean I found my other-half?
What does this word soul-mate really mean?

How easy to say wow she is my soul-mate!
Then poof you're pissed at her and now she's gone!
How easy to say I love her so!
Then poof you're hurt by her and then you're gone!

What does this word soul-mate really mean?
Does it mean as long as you do it my way?
Does it mean as long as we don't ever fight?
What does this word soul-mate really mean?

How easy to say I'll never leave you!
Then poof for nothing it's over!
How easy to say forever!
Then poof she's history!

What does this word soul-mate really mean?
Does it mean you are hers?
What does this word soul-mate really mean?
Does it mean she is yours?

How easy to want it all!
Then poof you lose the feeling!
How easy to feel complete!
Then poof you're empty as can be!

What does this word soul-mate really mean?
Does it mean willing to work at it all?
What does this word soul-mate really mean?
Does it mean through it all we will make it?

How easy to work at it each day!
Then poof it feels right!
How easy to be happy with one another!
Then poof it works!

What does this word soul-mate really mean?
It means I'll love you no matter!
What does this word soul-mate really mean?
It means Yes you are the one!

By: Tonya L. Chatelain

Nothing Else Matters

When you look at me 
Nothing else matters...

When you touch me 
Nothing else matters...

When you hold me 
Nothing else matters...

When you kiss me 
Nothing else matters...

When you want me 
Nothing else matters...

When you love me 
Only we matter...

By: Tonya L. Chatelain
Our story

I winked
You emailed
I imd
You phoned
We txted
We met
I looked
You looked
We flirted
We kissed
We fell
You asked
I said yes

By: Tonya L. Chatelain

Oh No 
What's This Say About Me

You tell me that you want a we
But you make plans only for thee
You say you truly do enjoy 
All your time with me
But seem to want me to sit by 
Waiting patiently for you to include me
Oh no what's this say about me

You tell me that you truly do love me
And that you want to spend 
All your days and nights loving me
Yet only include me as an after thought
Let me make one thing 
Perfectly clear from the start
I'll never be anyone's after thought
Oh no what's this say about me

Tell me darlin' what am I to do
Do I just sit by and wait to see 
If you will really truly want me
Or do I bite the bullet and go
Then see if you'll come retrieve me
Tell me dear do you have any 
Of these answers for me
Oh no what's this say about me

I love you truly, madly, deeply this is true
But just how much do you adore me
I need you to want me 
As much as I want you
But we got to do this together 
To make us a we
Just start by making plans 
That does include me
Oh no what's this say about me

By: Tonya L. Chatelain


Will you marry me
I heard from you almost right away
Love at first sight is what you say

How could you know you really want me
So quickly, I wonder aloud 
You're my forever after you say assuredly

I loved you before I ever found you
You're the woman of my true dreams
I've never felt for another as I do for you baby

If I had an itemized list of my perfect woman
Meeting you checked them all off one, two, three
Let me love you truly, madly, deeply

You complete me in so many ways
Making my heart run in circles like in a maze
I'll love you forever you promise me

Just give me you today and I'll make you happy
Forget all the rest because I'm truly the best
I'll adore you forever and never make you a mess

I looked at you deeply, I searched your eyes
No I'll never hurt you I hear you say to my surprise
Had I said my thoughts out loud I wondered again to me

Nope not a word did I even speak
She just knew what I was thinking about
Yes I said then without a single doubt

By: Tonya L. Chatelain
  My Opinion

Why do you bother asking me
And pretend that you care
When I can't even get a word out
And if I did you wouldn't hear

You try and make me think I'm important
You try and make me think you want to know
You try and make me think it matters 
Then you show me it just isn't so

Don't say you want to know how I feel
Don't say you want to know what I think
Don't say you need to hear me
Then not even listen when I try to speak

Your losing a good opinion
That really is worth while 
Your losing a good person
And you don't even seem to care at all

I'll only be shut out and silenced so much
I'll only take coming last in your life once
I can't be the ex you once had
I need better than your rebound love

I'll stop short of giving you my all
When all I get is your best you can do
I'll only love you as much
As you open up and allow me to

By: Tonya L. Chatelain


How could I be so stupid
How could I believe your words
How could I be so gullible
And think I was all yours

You tell me a bunch of lies 
You tell me what you think I want to hear
You tell me shit and I believed all of it
I'm a fool and a big sucker, I fear

Why did I ever trust in you
Why did I think you were the one
Why did you make me believe in you
When all you really wanted is you

By: Tonya L. Chatelain

The Meeting

You say the day that you met me 
You just knew it was true love
Are you her I ask as I approached you
Yes ma'am I am, I hear you say out loud
As your motorcycle keys suddenly hit the ground

I smile to myself as you fumbled your papers about
Leaning over to retrieve your keys off the ground
Letting your guard down you opened your heart wide 
Just letting me walk right in wondering about
Maybe it was then that I knew it someday could be true

Never knowing what hit us out of the blue
We're embracing and loving our time together each day
Now you want me by your side until your very last breath
Loving one another like no other ever before the other
We can ride off into the sunset as one if I just say yes

By: Tonya L. Chatelain

Tomorrow Awaits Me

It's time to let myself move on
My future is patiently waiting on me
It's time to let the past go with lessons learned
My future is ready to embrace me

I think the pain is now all but gone
My nowadays are going great one day at a time
Life is now ready and waiting on me
My yesterdays are not going to hold me back

I've had some great times in my past
I have loved the good as well as bad ones
Better yet I have learned from them both 
And will embrace all that's yet to come

All my morrows will mirror the past days
In the way that they will help me grow
All my yesterdays will tell my morrows
How to make me happy in my now's

Today is the first day of my new smiles
Yesterday was just practice for what's to come
Tomorrow will soon be a faded memory
And all the rest will one day just be my history

By: Tonya L. Chatelain


You say you are not ready 
For me to start dating
Even though we've been over 
For many many months
Why should I wait any longer 
When there's nothing left of us
I believe it's truly time 
For me to move on and love

Our time together was great 
While it was new and alive
But now that its all gone
It's time to just say good-bye
I do hope that I can keep you 
But only as a friend
I'm sorry that it's come to that
We are now just at our end

It took me some time 
To start to understand why
That you felt that you had to 
Toss me away on a dime
I do know that everything 
Does happens for a reason
Just know that I get it now babe 
I truly do it's as it should be

Karma is right, it's never wrong
Take the time to look, listen and see
She'll teach you valuable lessons 
If you truly want to learn why 
So that the next time you love another 
You'll be able to let her love you fully
Don't be bitter or sad at our end
Because it was just meant to be

By: Tonya L. Chatelain

Yes I'm a fool

When did I become such a fool
That I'd stay through your half truths
When did I become such a fool
That I would except your whys
 Yes I'm a fool

When did I become such a fool
That I would put up with the lies
When did I become such a fool
That I would put up with the bull
 Yes I'm a fool

When did I become such a fool
That I would stay begging for more
When did I become such a fool
That I would stay loving you more
 Yes I'm a fool

When did I become such a fool
That I would still want you
When did I become such a fool
That I would still want you to want to 
Good-Bye I'm the fool no more

By: Tonya L. Chatelain


Sometimes I trust way too much
Sometimes I don't trust enough
Sometimes I wish I trusted more
Sometimes I wish I never trusted before

I fell in love with you 
I fell way too fast
I fell even if I'm now hurting
I fell but regret us I never will

We did have some smiles  
We did have some laughs
We did have some fights
We did have some tears

Now I'll cry over you
Now I'll hurt over you
Now I'll break over you
Now I'll get over you

By: Tonya L. Chatelain

Who Am I

I don't think I like me now
This me I am with you anyhow
I used to laugh and smile a lot
Now my eyes are cloudy and blocked

On one hand I think I'm great
I'm mostly happy and such a delight
I feel so much joy and love from you
And I think you're just out of sight

On the other hand I am now worried
And I feel very close to flight
Don't know if I want to stay 
Or if we're even worth the fight

No one has ever loved me like you
I've never loved another it's true
So why is it so hard to trust you again
I feel if I do I may just be giving in

Hurting you I never wanted to do
Controlling you isn't even my thought
Loving you forever would be nice
If I could just stop being afraid of you

It takes a long time for me to trust
When you take it away it's even worse
How do I let my head love and trust you
The way my heart already does

By: Tonya L. Chatelain

 I'm Done

I believed all your words
I believed what you told me 
I believed all your lies
I believed what you said

No one sees the real me
No one ever took the time
No one ever wanted to know me
No one that is until you

It's easy for people to hurt me
It's easy for people to use me
It's easy for people to want me
It's easy for people to run

I thought you were different
I hoped you were the one
I know I truly loved you
I know I'm now DONE

By: Tonya L. Chatelain


My beautiful daughter Courtney
With the tiniest fingers and toes
You were so soft and delicate
Like pure spun lace and melted gold
My complete love you do truly hold

I held you in my arms with pride
Rocking you with such a tender embrace
Wanting nothing more in my life
Than to see you grow up healthy
And happy at your own pace

From the start you were pure joy
Never giving me any worry
Not needing to even fuss
Cause your brother was trouble enough
So you let him get in all the muss

Now I've blinked too many times
and my sweet precious baby is gone
Now standing before me all grown up
Is a very beautiful woman
That has found life on her own

A more proud mother, I could never be
Knowing I made you, takes the breath from me
My little one, that made me so whole
Is now the wonderful one
That sets my heart aglow

I always thought I wanted my kids
To hurry up and be grown
So they could move out and live on their own
How very wrong I turned out to be
My heart is sad because it's now my reality

I truly do miss life with my kids
All our family outings were such fun
Me singing to them at night was out of sight
I miss all the kisses and all of the hugs
The laughs and the giggles of pure love

My beautiful daughter Courtney
For twenty-one years, I've loved you so much
You were my last, my tiny perfect one
Please know I'll love you still
For at least a million or trillion to come

By: Tonya L. Chatelain